Lord, I am utterly destroyed and in despair, but not such as in the former days when I turned from Your presence and blocked my ears from Your rebuke.  Now it is as though my entire body is in rebellion against you, though I try to feed it Truth and Justice.  My mind is clear and I recognize that as the blessing of the Holy Spirit, but my body has regressed to the time when darkness covered my eyes and heart; when nothing but escape from this world brought peace or joy to my soul.

Hear my plight, Lord. Why can I not accomplish what I desire to do yet am able to fill myself with idleness and foolishness and folly? Hear the cry of my heart, Father.  I desire a life when I’m able to really function as a useful person at all times, in and out of season not just some of the time or at times that are convenient for me.  Show me how to look to You as my source for all things, even for the trivial and mundane things that appear to have no Spiritual ramifications.

Please heal me all over, my mind, body, and soul, God.  You’ve been so faithful and good to me all this time; instructing me even when I didn’t realize it or understand Your heart towards me.

My ship had no direction at all and you gave me sails so I would no longer curse the wind, but rejoice instead because You are good.  What had once been the source of my frustration You have now re-purposed it and made it for my good and the good of those around me.

Thank you, Father.


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